Anticipation

Lately I've taken to waiting until the last possible minute to finalize plans and packing, to depart for any place (including work) and for saying goodbye. I have come to understand the substance of time, that it can be stretched out and worn thin, tested to the limit. I've become to thrifty with time that my every day is jam-packed with tasks to accomplish and people to visit, usually consecutively. I've disallowed myself much breathing time because I realize that there may not be time to spare. My motto has become something to the extent of "live hard, live to the fullest." I have met some amazing people in the past 9 months who have showed me how to take flying leaps, to appreciate every minute element of every moment, and how to seize what I love.
In those same months I have also learned an immense amount about myself. Never before have I felt so much growth occur within me. Never before has my mind been so ignited with knowledge, understanding and realization. My sense of self has been solidified, and my life has never felt so fulfilled. Because of this- all of this- I find myself where I today: anxiously anticipating the departure of my flight to Vienna, Austria. Do not misunderstand- this is not just a fun summer trip to Europe. This is the adventure of my lifetime. I am boarding an airplane by myself, and no familiar faces will greet me when I arrive in Austria. I am making a month-long excursion by myself to study the German language at the Deutsch Akademie. I have been enabled to embark on this trip because I worked hard to apply for two separate scholarships, both of which I was awarded. The only financial worries I have now are those that will greet me daily- you know, "spending money." This opportunity was destined for me. I'm not sure how I became so lucky (I felt as though this trip fell out of the sky- arrangements happened so quickly.)
But I do realize that while the academic aspects of this excursion are what merited the big money, these next 4 weeks will primarily be a test, a time for growth and spiritual reinvention. I am embarking with no one to guide me, and I cannot help but feel like Siddhartha. I am leaving home, the comfort of Lebanon, my job, my parents, my siblings, my beloved friends, the familiarity of American currency and law. I am putting it all behind me to walk into unfamiliarity so as to discover a deeper meaning of life.Jack Kerouac, be with me, even though you stuck to the continental U.S.

I am terrified- I will not lie about that.But everything happens for a reason, and I could not be more euphoric to discover what awaits be in the Promised Land.